The hardest decision ever

These photos are terrible... but they're all we have

this is not a smile... it just looks like it could be... trust me it's not.

this is a smile, notice who she's sitting with...

She is very serious

This was the medical office... it's so crowded and smelly... really smelly

i have dreamed about meeting my daughter for over a decade. It has been a journey to say the least. I dealt with RHS (reluctant husband syndrome) switching country programs, changing to the Waiting Child Program delays and then meeting her... When we met Libbie we knew immediately something was terribly wrong. Libbie had multiple special needs on her referral. One was very clear and two others were vague descriptions. We requested additional information, but the answers just never came. Our fears we realized when we looked her little body. I have been crippled by fear these last few days as we have searched for answers. We did not sign the adoption papers. We requested an evaluation by an independent western physician. The following day we went into the city to meet with a reputable orthopedic surgeon. She had x-rays in the morning, then we waited six hours to meet with the doctor. After a two minute exam and review of the x-rays, he diagnosed her. He said her condition was very rare and serious and not correctable. In the next thirty seconds he told us that she will probably never walk without assistance. We have not slept in two days. We have been on the phone at all hours of the night with our agency, Texas Children's International adoption center etc. We have cried until we are numb. we have questioned God as to why we are in this situation and what good could possibly come from this. We don't know have no idea what the future holds or how we will meet her needs. We made our decision together after two excruciating days of grief.

I can talk a big talk about faith, but honestly I have never had to step out in faith. I've never really had to trust in Him. Life has always been pretty easy for me. I've never truly sacrificed. Thoughts raced through my mind about how life will change for us. All the what if's crept in and clouded my vision. Lambert and I kept asking each other, Why us? Why is this happening to us, this isn't fair... at 3:00am one morning, we both said, why not us? It came down to a true matter of faith. we both knew God called us to this child and we knew that we that we were at a cross road. Its funny that recently we have heard several messages at church regarding cross roads. They're in front of us daily... my way or God's way... it's a choice and usually I choose my way... it's the truth. I have to admit I was pretty mad at God. But, when we made the decision a complete peace came over me. A weight was lifted and I knew we could move forward no matter what. He is with us and will be with us. It's amazing the peace that can come in the storm. I have chosen my will instead of His at one other major cross road in my life and it haunts me to this day. He is Abba and delivers the peace.

Now, moving forward... she can't stand the sight of me... She is smitten with her daddy and gives me the look of death. She will go to strangers (men) but will not come to me. She screams like she is being tortured if Lambert leaves the room. She is strong willed and determined . She is brave and fearful all at the same time. I just wonder what runs through her little mind. She eats more than two grown men and will take food out of Hoots hands if she can get away with it. Her medical exam was this morning and she weighed in at a wopping 19lbs! nothing I brought fits her. 18 monts pants fall to her knees and 2t shirts hang past her wrists. She is a fast little mover with her walker, it's hilarious. She loves to do things herself, but she loves to cuddle up with her daddy too. We are in love and totally taken by this pint sized fire cracker. She has great lungs. I think the people in the room next to us moved and now it's vacant. I am certain everyone on the 9th floor has heard her sweet voice!!!